Self Love

Why Forcing Your Child To Diet Is Child Abuse

I’m here today to write a blog post that I wasn’t expecting to write, but I got so triggered last week by TW: diet culture and kids being forced to diet (or now potentially kids being forced into weight loss surgery) that I had to interrupt your normally scheduled blog programming.

WW (the artist formerly known as Weight Watchers) has released a new app and diet program. For CHILDREN. called Kurbo. ALL THE WHILE. We are now dealing with mouths being forced shut with magnets and weight loss surgery becoming newly available for children. I’m officially SO TIRED and SO OUTRAGED that I feel compelled to share some truths from my youth.

I was forced into diets for what felt like my entire childhood. I was always either starving or secretly binging. I was an overweight kid. My doctors hated that and it embarrassed my father and so everyone went along and I was forced to diet.

At nine, I was counting calories and worrying about my appearance over everything else. At nine, I was taught to hate myself. At nine, I was taught that I was worthless the way I was and I better change or no one would love me. I had daily weigh-ins and ate dressing-less salads with bare chicken breasts while the rest of my family had full meals. Forget fractions or stickers or crushes, I was worried about my thighs.

I was hungry all the time when I was a kid. I was restricted to as low as 500 calories a day at some points. I was constantly starving. I would scarf down sugar-free jello by the tub-full because it was one of the only “free” foods I could eat. My diets were all doctor-supervised by Kaiser Permanente, and were all sold to my parents under the guise of being “a lifestyle change” and “not about looking skinny, but about being healthy.” Healthy was starving and sugar-free jello.

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Spending so much of my childhood dieting stripped me of having one. It was torture. It gave me an eating disorder that I still deal with today. I was playing every sport and was super active, and yet I needed to lose 5 pounds or it felt like everyone thought I would die. Dieting was incredibly detrimental to my mental and physical health.

I was taught to be afraid of food. I was told that I was weak and lazy and worthless unless I could survive on a calorie count that was well below what the U.S. legally considers starving. I was taught that feeling good, energized, and satiated was wrong and unhealthy. That in order to be healthy, I needed to be starving. I was taught to ignore my body and my feelings. I was taught that how I looked was more important than how I felt.

Dieting is detrimental to everyone’s mental and physical health. 90% of eating disorders begin with a diet, 30% of all diets end in an eating disorder, 99% of all dieters gain back all the weight and more, and yo-yo dieting increases your chance of high blood pressure, diabetes, and early death. In the 90s, BMI charts were slashed to sell diet products. There is not an obesity epidemic. There have always been fat people. Weight is not an indicator of health. It’s widely accepted that staying at an originally considered “overweight” weight is much healthier than losing a bunch of weight and then gaining it back, yet people still don’t understand that dieting is dangerous. ESPECIALLY for a CHILD who is not able to give CONSENT to the DIET.

Weight Watchers can rebrand themselves as being about “wellness” and “healthy lifestyles” all they like. Consenting adults who enjoy the community and help that Weight Watchers gives them should go and enjoy! The truth of the matter remains though, that the WW launch of The Kurbo Dieting App for Children is about profit. They know diets don’t work. They know that this app will turn dieting children into dieting adults. Weight Watchers is a company that wants to make money. (The US weight-loss industry grew to $72.2 BILLION dollars last year.) By releasing Kurbo, they are able to turn children into lifelong customers. *a Ka-ching sound chimes over and over again across the USA*

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Please. Think about the message you’re sending a child when you force them to diet or talk about a diet in front of them. Think about the mental damage. Think about the physical damage. It’s child abuse. It can be hard to stand up for yourself or a loved one to a Doctor, but think of the cost of not. Let’s teach our children to eat food that makes them feel good. Let’s teach our children to listen to their bodies. Let’s teach our children that they are worth more than their measurements.

Were you forced into diets as a kid? What do you think of this new Weight Watchers ap, Kurbo? Tell me on Instagram and Facebook.

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The 7 Bras Every Person Needs In Their Wardrobe! (For Big Boobs AND Small Boobs!)

Finding cute and supportive bras is hard! Finding cute and supportive bras is especially hard if you have giant gazongas. Finding cute and comfortable bras is especially hard when you have tiny titties. It’s just hard!

I feel uniquely qualified to give y’all bra tips because I used to work as a certified bra fitter. My time working in the Lingerie Department at Nordstrom taught me a few things: 1. You’re wearing the wrong size bra 2. There are lots of cute options out there once you know where to look! and 3. Many, many, many women have hair on their breasts, it’s totally normal.

In this blog post I’m going to point out the 7 different types of bras that every woman needs in her wardrobe and I’ll recommend some different options for both small and large boobie babies. Then I’ll go through my most worn bras and why I need all of them (because I’m a hoarder)! Yay!

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T Shirt Bra

You need a skin colored smooth bra that won’t show under clothing. This is your most basic option of bra. You need something that won’t give you cottage-cheese boobies under thin tops and will match your skin tone under light colored and/or see through shirts!

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The Natori Legend Full Figure Bra is what I use! It is fulllllllllllll coverage. Like, it’s basically a turtle neck. But under a t shirt that’s what I want! A full coverage t shirt bra on big boobs ensures you don’t get a visible line and that’s what it’s all about. For darker skin tones try the Nubian Skin Naked Bra.

The Simone Perele Andora Demi is a perfect t shirt bra for smaller breasts! There is an impressive color shade range and delicate details to make this everyday bra the one you reach for the most in your closet. Calvin Klein bras are also really good, but their shade range is not.

Unlined Bra

I wear an unlined bra 99.9% of the time. My unlined bra is lace, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be a smooth fabric, unlined just means that the cup has no shape on its own when it’s off of your body. I own a beige and a black and I wear it most days. I like to have a really comfortable, really supportive bra that is still beautiful. Unlined bras are also perfect for any thicker top (sweaters and knits) and they feel a little lighter which I love because I run hot.

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The Panache Envy bra changed my whole life when I put it on! I am a 36GG in this bra and it’s the most comfortable bra I’ve ever owned while still being so, so pretty and sexy. I am a firm believer in wearing undergarments everyday that make us feel confident and beautiful and seductive, not just when we have a date. The Envy gives me the support and the shape that I need without having to sacrifice any cuteness.

The Wacoal Embrace Lace Bra is a classic really. There a lots and lots of really beautiful and practical unlined bra options for smaller breasts but I think this Wacoal bra has to be my favorite (plus it does come in a wide size range! I own this bra in a few lace variations including all white! It’s so pretty under sheer things in the summer it’s to die for. Anyway! I digress.) The Embrace Lace is a pretty seamed lace bra that is also comfortable and stretchy so it will form to your smaller (or larger) chest! It’s a classic for a reason.

Strapless Bra

Do not be afraid of strapless bras! You just need the band to be tight enough to keep your boobs up (and all your bras should fit like that btw. Get over “back fat” rn. Embrace it. You need a snug band). The only strapless bra option as far as I’m concerned is the Wacoal Red Carpet Strapless bra. It’s perfect and can fit anybody! You need it!

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Check periodically throughout the year, they usually have a brown color as well (they need to make it a permanent addition to the line!). It’s an amazing bra, though. A good strapless will open up your wardrobe in ways you’ve never dreamed of before! Hello strappy tops and halter dresses!

Plunge Bra

A plunge bra will let you wear all those plunging necklines you’ve always wanted to try! Plus they can be more comfortable for some people because a “plunge” bra means that the center gore is smaller, so it won’t poke into your ribcage if you have a problem with that.

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Sexy cleavage alert!!! The Freya Deco bra plunges down low and has a way of pushing the puppies together in the best way. There are usually tons of different colors (I own this bra in black, sherbert, fuscia, pink) so search around for fun patterns and prints!

The Natori Feather is such a go-to classic bra for so many women! It’s also v size inclusive! I own this one, but it’s best on smaller boobies. It plunges super low and has really pretty lace, but is also really smooth under shirts so this could double as a pretty t shirt bra as well! The Feather will change your life.

Sports Bra

If you don’t workout then disregard this one! But if you do! You’re going to need a sports bra. It’s important to wear a sports bra while working out because it’s usually made of materials that wick away moisture!

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The Wacoal Underwire Sports Bra is an amazing choice for larger chests. It’s very supportive. The underwire makes sure you are locked and loaded and ready for action. It can be painful to do the activities you want to do when you’re bouncing all around, this bra helps make it easier!

Support isn’t really a concern for smaller chests so pick something super cute out! Nike is a really great option for support and style.

Bralette/ Wireless Bra

You know those days when you don’t care about support, but you don’t want your skin to touch your own other skin? You need a bralette for those days. Bigger chested people are never going to get good support from a bralette, and smaller chested people will never have to worry about that, no matter your predicament, everyone needs a bralette.

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Calvin Klein has a very trendy and now inclusive bralette. Feel like a supermodel while you netflix and chill in bed!

This Spanx bralette is utilitarian but it’s something you could comfortably wear every single day! There are also tons of beautiful lace options in bralettes for you! Try free people or wacoal if you’re in a fairy queen mood!

Sexy Bra

I’m a firm believer in wearing lingerie every day for yourself and not for a partner…BUT it’s fun to have super sexy special occasion bras. The strappier the better. If you’re not making your partner a little bit scared you’re not doing it right.

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Elomi nailed it with this one. The straps on top are so cute! They’d be so flirty poking out of a black floral mini dress! The possibilities are endless with this cutie.

Chantelle really gets how to make sexy and beautiful lingerie. Leave it to the French. The bows are the cutest. You’re a present and it’s time to unwrap!

Honorable Mentions Include:


My Collection!

(me flexing) The links and what I wear them with, plus my size variations to demonstrate how much you need a trained professional to help you at the store.

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a. The White Embrace Lace Wacoal I was braggin on | 38F | To wear with sheer patterned summer blouses that have white in them, and under white t shirts on dates.

b. My Chantelle Minimizer | 36H | For days when I want a flatter shape or blouses that are a little too tight in the chest but perfect everywhere else.

c. Our bb The Panache Lace | 36GG | Everything.

d. Red lace it’s so pretty I wanna die when I put it on | 38FF | It’s a balconette which means it’s flat across from armpit to armpit so it’s perfect for all the square neck tops that are getting really trendy.

e. One hook on the back! It’s a low, scoop, ballerina back and it’s comfy! | 38FF | Scoop backed tops and dresses.

f. Freya Deco | 36GG | When I have a v neck or scoop t shirt that requires less coverage in the bra area and smoothness.

g. Natori Sports Bra - My boobs wouldn’t dream of moving in this one | 38G | Cycling, dancing, and yoga! It’s great for everything.

h. Wacoal Red Carpet Strapless | 38G | All my off the shoulder tops, all my halter tops, all my spaghetti strap tops.

i. Natori Feather | 36F | For the clothing items that have a true v neck plunge. It is not supportive, but I need it for the low plunging items so I deal.

j. Natori t shirt bra | 38F | T shirts/when I wear something sheer and I want a bra that camouflages into my skin so I don’t have to wear a cami.

k. A Chantelle offshoot that doesn’t even exist anymore. Something similar | 36G | Sweaters/square neck tops. It’s another lace balconette.

l. Chantelle Opera. They discontinued this exact style, but here’s something similar | 36F | Sweaters/square neck tops. It’s another lace balconette. I also wear it with things where straps might show because the color is so pretty and there’s a ton of pretty lace on the straps.

m. Same as l

n. Same as e

o. Ann Summers Body Suit. Sold out, but here is something similar | XL F/H | Under dresses when you want a smoothing bodysuit, but you want it to be cute!

There we go! I have spelled out the essentials for you, but of course there is so much more to cover! What was your favorite and what did I miss? Tell me on Instagram or Facebook!

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To All The Fat Girls At The Beach

Today I want to write a little something for all the fat girls (or anyone who is feeling self-conscious) at the beach! If you’re feeling like what you look like in a swimsuit is scaring you into avoiding activities you would otherwise want to attend, I want to reach out with a little love and say that you are beach ready as you are right now.

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These are pictures of me at the beach. This is not that serious.

But it feels serious! I’ve been scared to post these pictures to my blog. I’ve been self conscious about my belly/my body for literally my whole life. There was never a waking second of my life where I was not sucking my stomach in until about a year ago. So to post it?? To put it on the internet for however many people to see??? Feels very serious!

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But honestly? These are just pictures. The people at that beach saw my body that day. The people who see me in life see my body every day. So posting a picture? While it feels like a big deal to me, in the scheme of every damn thing happening on this Earth right now is not 💃🏻 that 💃🏻 serious 💃🏻!

I feel hot in these pictures. I feel happy and confident and free in these pictures. So I’m sharing them with you! It’s not that serious! (I gotta keep reminding myself)

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In 2019 we’re loving ourselves at the beach! We’re loving everything about our bodies! We’re not avoiding pool parties or beach bbqs or beach days because we’re afraid of what people might comment about our bodies! We’re human beings who are allowed to feel hot and beautiful and carefree at the beach!

Remembering that we’re allowed to take up space, remembering that we don’t owe anyone a specific “perfect” body, and remembering that we can have fun just like everyone else is so important! It’s almost Summer, it’s going to be so hot, and we should be outside enjoying every Summer activity if we want to, just like everyone else!

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Please don’t let feeling too thin, too fat, too weak, too different in any way rob you of your joy! I’m the beach boss and I say everyone is allowed to have fun.

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I’ve included a few of my favorite bikinis here juuuuust in case you are now inspired to try something new! I love you! Tell me all about your swimsuit feelings on Instagram or Facebook!

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Flower Girl

Spring! The snow is melting, the blooms emerging, and much like my freshly cut bangs, I am entering this season feeling new!

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With the new season I am feeling reenergized to break away from old ways and choose new paths! I feel as though I am finally opening my eyes to previous patterns of behavior and shifting my focus towards actions that serve where I want to go. I am opening myself up to change and accepting what new people/places/things life wants to bring to me! In other words: ya girl feels good.

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I want to help bring a little bit of this spring fresh feeling to you! Some prompts:

1. What is your ultimate perfect dream for your life? The Sky’s the limit, you get everything you want, ultimate Disney happy ending dream. What is that? Let yourself really get specific and really get wild. This one should be mega fun.

2. What does the dream version of you do everyday? What are their habits? How do they interact with the world? How can you incorporate those things into your life now?

3. How do you want to be treated? Find out and get specific. By yourself and by other people. Say no to people who repeatedly choose to treat you in ways that don’t line up with your needs. My therapist says, “you can never truly say yes to something until you learn how to say no”.

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I hope the prompts are a first step in getting you towards where you wanna go! It’s a long journey, Lord knows I’m not there yet and I don’t have it all figured out, but hopefully this helps. :) Tell me your answers on Instagram and Twitter.

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Third Time's The Charm

There are a lot of inspirational Pinterest quotes about getting back up after failures (lol @ pinterest quotes), but that’s because they’re so #relatable! Failure is a huge part of life.

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I have failed so many times. Personally and professionally and spiritually and everything-ally. Those specific failures do not add up to ME being a failure, though. (All of this also brings up questions like: what is failure? Who defines that? etc. but I’m not tryna get into that rn). Failure does not mean you are bad or wrong. You learn from it and use it next time to help get the outcome you want!

It’s easy to look at our lives and look at the things that we feel like slipped through our hands as a failure, but I want to remind myself and you today that we are not failures! A saying a friend just told me really helped and fits well here: “What’s for you will not pass you” (the only acceptable pinterest quote). Not getting that promotion, getting dumped, or any other rejection was not a failure, it was just not for you. The things that are meant for you will stick when they’re supposed to! It’s our job to not dwell on the things that passed and to keep trying! Eventually we will end up with a picture we love.

I hope your day is sparkly, fun, and full of reassurance that you’re doing such a good job despite whatever “failure” you might be worrying about.

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Sunny Days

Summertiiiiime and the LA weather is easy...except for when you want to hide your body and you can't because it's 100 degrees outside. 

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I’ve loved being cold my whole life because I could throw on big sweaters and pants and hide. When it's hot you can't do that. You're forced to show ya body.

The heat was a huge plus for LA after four Chicago winters (I.was.DONE!), but it also made me nervous. What would happen if I had a bad day and wanted to hide in a huge coat? I couldn’t. I could enjoy my damn life, though! I could stop letting insecurities hold me back. So the latter options are what I went with and look at me now. Backless sundress is out to play in all its glory baby!

I love my body all the time, but that doesn't mean that every single insecurity disappears forever. We're human! We're going to have doubts and fears. It's how we handle ourselves in the face of those fears that determines our character! Do we let fear stop us from getting or doing something that could make us really happy? Or do we say, "I'm scared but f*ck it! I want this and I will deal with the scary feelings when they come up. I will assess what the fear is stemming from, tell myself it'll be ok, and wait for it to pass. I'm not going to run from something I want". Let's keep picking the latter options! Hellyeah! 

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I want to challenge you to not let insecurities keep you from something you want! From something as small as wearing a dress you want to wear to something as big as asking that cute person you like out, or moving, or whatever! If we believe in ourselves and have the courage to go for it we can do anything. I'm a broken record on this because I firmly believe it.

As Summer winds to a close, I hope you aren't letting yourself hide in thick baggy clothes all the time if you don't want to. I hope you're wearing beautiful backless sundresses and not letting the fear of showing your body keep you from joy. You don't owe anyone a slim summer body. Live your fashion truth and expose whatever you wanna. :)

How does Summer make you feel? Do you dread showing so much of your body or are you embracing it? Let me know on Instagram or Facebook!

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Not apologizing for the basic song choice it was the vibe!!! Just let yourself feel joy please :)

A Happy Place

On a pretty LA day a couple weeks ago I stepped out to a fun little pop-up-event-museum-thing with my Momma and sweet pal. We expected to get some cute pics out of the day, but what we got instead was a legit really fun and awesome experience. If you're in LA (or soon Chicago will be getting a location!) you should definitely check out Happy Place! It was a delight. 

Our experience taking pictures in all the different rooms reminded me of a couple things. The first thing was about my outfit. These weird palazzo overalls may be my most favorite clothing item. They are so weird. I love them so much. 

A teacher I had a year ago at Second City told me once that he admired my style. I was wearing these same parachute dreams with a white t-shirt underneath so you could see that they were a stringy kind of overall. “You always wear whatever you want to wear and you don't care what others will think. I wish I had your confidence. You dress the way I wish I could.” I’m still not entirely sure it was a compliment, but I take it as one!

My style has always been a little bit different from everyone else's and I've always loved clothes. Even when I was feeling self-conscious about my body, or even when a shopping trip ended in tears because nothing fit, I have always loved expressing myself through fashion. 

With a love of fashion, comes fashion magazines. With fashion magazines, comes fashion rules for fat girls. These rules are all I’ve ever heard and I’m just not about that life. Everybody gets a certain set of “rules” to make their body look “better”. Fat girls get rules, thin girls get rules, short girls get rules... it’s exhausting!

I much prefer to wear whatever I want to wear! A fashion magazine would probably tell me to burn these pants, but eff that! If someone doesn’t like my outfit they don’t have to wear it and they don’t have to look at me. I'll wear horizontal stripes, I'll wear something tight, I'll wear something weird! If something makes you feel confident and happy that’s literally the only thing that matters. 

Life is short and tbh if you can’t wear overall palazzo pants like you’re in a Clown remake of Three’s Company doing a crossover episode with Little House on the Prairie then what’s the point? Wear the damn thing. Love your damn self.

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The second thing I was reminded of was what a nightmare Happy Place would have been before I learned to not be ashamed of my body and to actually love it. I probably would’ve looked at a picture someone took of me and started weeping because I thought I looked too fat and then let that ruin our whole day. But we had so much fun! And we all looked so cute!

Pictures of my belly or chins before would have sent me into a self-hating fit, but if a picture like the one posted directly below is cool but shows an insecurity (like my double chin) then who cares?! The picture itself makes me really happy so why try to hide something that I perceive to be an imperfection? There's no reason! I think I look cool and powerful. If someone has a problem with that picture that's just their problem, not mine. 

So here I will post some more pics that I wouldn't have posted before now in the hopes that they inspire you. Maybe now you will feel empowered to post a pic that you love, but that might make you feel a little self-conscious. Remember that everyone can see your body in real life so there’s no need to hide a picture that you love!

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I am Beyoncé always. 

I am Beyoncé always. 

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Being afraid of what we look like or what people will think holds us back from loving ourselves, living life to the fullest, all those cliché things. It's all cliché because it's true. If something makes you feel happy, wear it. If a picture makes you happy, post it. You're the boss and you get to make decisions for your life that make you feel good without having to worry about what other people will think. My two cliché cents for the day. ;)

Is there something that you want to wear, but someone told you not to because of your body type? Do you not post pictures sometimes because you’re afraid what people will think? I wanna know what “fashion rules” you were taught and if you still follow them or not. Tell me all about it all on Facebook!

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