Dating Guide For Fat Girls: Navigating Dating Apps While Plus Sized

Y’allll! Online dating can sometimes be tricky. Add in a fat body and it can really get tough. Today I want to give you my best tips on setting up and navigating Dating Apps for plus sized women.

Kinda looks like a heart right??? ;) hellyeah

1. Show Yourself!

My number one best tip is to fully and honestly represent yourself in your profile. You want someone to match with you because they like you! Not because they like the cropped and edited version of you. It can be scary to post full body pics if you’re not used to it, but misrepresenting yourself is lying and it’s only gonna make for a really awful first date. Get a friend you trust to take some bangin’ full body pics of yourself and post ‘em on that profile knowing that you’re now only matching with people who trulyyyy like you! (Well mostly…I’ll cover the one exception next).

2. Block the Douches

Every once in a while I’ll get a message like the one above. Someone will match with me just to call me ugly/fat. The most annoying thing about this conversation was that he wasn’t even that hot to me! Little did he know that I was talking to like three other way hotter people. Oy.

You will get rude and derogatory messages. There are deeply unhappy people who will want to make themselves feel better by trying to take away others’ joy. Know that they do not define you, block, report, and continue with the hotter people you’re talking to who are genuinely interested in you.

3. Sometimes They Just Want To Hook Up

It’s a bummer but a fact that some guys want to have sex with fat girls, but they don’t want to date fat girls. We are a fetish and although it’s annoying, some guys worry more about how dating a fat girl will make them look to the outside world than what they are actually attracted to. There are studies about how some men who are more sexually attracted to fat girls only date thin girls because they think their friends would make fun of them if they had a fat girlfriend…It’s wild. But it’s a fact! So get good at deciphering which dudes just want to have sex and which dudes will treat you the way you want to be treated. Unless you just wanna have sex. Then do ya thang girl!

4. Spend Time On Your Bio

#4 is a tip for everyone: Don’t have your bio be a big list of demands. A) it’s a little lame idk do you but B) it’s easy then for someone to pretend to be the list to take advantage. Your bio is about you anyway! Show your personality! Showing you’re funny or caring will attract the people you want more than listing a bunch of qualities that you claim you are and/or that you’re looking for. You can assert your standards once you are in conversation with someone. There’s no need to list out a bunch of requirements in the bio, show yourself off so they can get to know who you are!

5. You’re the Pie

One of my favorite lessons from New Girl is when Schmidt is helping Jess with online dating and he reminds her that she’s the best girl on “Dice”. He tells her, “You’re the pie!”, to remind her that she is what everyone is looking for. In online dating there is no reason to accept less than you want to. Remember that you have a lot to offer and you’re amazing! As our queen Ari tells us: say thank u, next when something isn’t right. You’re the pie!

6. Remember the Fun!

No matter what remember that dating is fun! Meeting new people, flirting, it is all fun and exciting! Yeah it sucks when someone you like doesn’t like you back, yeah it sucks when a dude feels powerful when he calls you fat in a derogatory way, but there are always more fish in the sea and the possibilities are all so exciting. Taking the risk to put yourself out there is always better than not! No matter what happens being vulnerable and tender is always more rewarding than staying guarded.

pics by Vanessa Crocini

I hope these help you step up your online game! What tips do you have to share with me? Tell me on Instagram or Facebook!

Why Fat Girls Deserve Better Than "Insatiable"

I. Was. Un. Happy! For so much of my life! I hated everything about myself. Look at this little girl. She is miserable. 

I would frequently be told things like: “You’re going to lose a bunch of weight one day and be so beautiful.” “Don’t you want a boyfriend? No one is ever going to want you when you’re this size.” I was called fat over and over and over in elementary and middle school. Every cool actress and model was super thin. Fat people were ridiculed and tormented for their size. Everywhere I looked everything around me drilled into my head that I was worthless fat. I needed to lose weight and then my life would begin. No one would love me or like me until I changed who I was.

So many fat people have these experiences and they start having them from a very young age. Yes, everyone has insecurities, but not everyone deals with the unrelenting torture that fat people face. Every experience I had reinforced that I was different and that I was wrong. 

My uniforms were long and the sleeves were big, while all the other thin girls were in short little dresses and their sleeves were small and cute. It reinforced that I would always be "other". Girls would laugh and make fun of my knee pads at volleyball practices because they were tight around my legs and they thought it was funny that my thighs were so big. My body would be fair game for strange men to discuss on the bus when I was a freshman in High School. "Would you fuck her? I like them big like her but you like them thin, huh? Hahaha yeah, I knew you wouldn't want her. She's too fat for you. You like hot girls."

People cringe when they have to sit next to me on the bus or on a plane. People who barely know me have constantly wanted to discuss my health because they are "concerned". Boys throughout my life have been embarrassed that I had a crush on them, because what does it say about them that the fat girl likes them? Boys in High School and College who were attracted to me wanted to keep our dating a secret. I wouldn't impress their friends and I would make it seem like they couldn't get anyone better. I would try on clothes and weep in the dressing room when nothing even barely fit. I was relegated to playing old Aunts, men, or ugly mean people in plays because that's what fat girls were allowed to be. 

There are so many other little examples of how every single day of our lives fat people are told over and over and over again that we are pieces of shit. Worthless. Fat people in our society are demonized. No one is ever actually concerned about my health, no one is ever actually saying any of these things for my benefit, they just hate me. They hate having to look at my body. 

What would have helped me combat this hate when I was young? Even just one positive fat role model. An actress who was big and who everyone thought was cool. Who played roles that were hot and confident and fun, and who could be that in real life in interviews too. Growing up there was no one who looked like me who I could relate to in a positive way. Fat characters either have to cry about wanting to lose weight or be a punchline. 

If I had seen the representation of one happy fat girl in my life who was portrayed as desirable it would have made a huge difference. It would have changed my life.

A new show for Netflix called “Insatiable” is making headlines because it reinforces a dangerous cliche for young fat people. 

A girl is fat and unhappy in school. She is made fun of and bullied for her weight. Then she loses a bunch of weight over a summer and everyone now calls her “hot”. She exacts revenge on the people who made her life miserable. The actress who plays the formerly fat character wore a fat suit for those scenes....the lists of what’s harmful about this show just keeps going on and on. 

This show exactly reinforces every negative media portrayal of fat people and shows exactly what the harmful stereotypes in media are. Like, it’s so bad it’s a wonder how it ever got made in 2018 in the first place. It sounds like a bad 80's movie.

Except for it's not actually a surprise. It's actually very common still in our culture. The ugly duckling gets revenge once she becomes conventionally attractive. But we shouldn't keep telling girls, and especially fat girls, that they need to change everything about themselves to be accepted. It's a lie sold to us for profit and I'm making it my mission to fight it.  

I want to be an actress so that when a parent says to a fat young woman, "no one will ever love you when you're fat," she can look to me and the roles I play and be able to say back, "you're wrong".

She will have better representation to look to for support than a thin actress in a fat suit for one episode. She will know she has worth and value now, not 40 pounds from now. 

Little fat girls need actresses and characters that they can look up to. Let's do better and give them that.