Fat! That word. Makes people. So uncomfortable. People spend billions of dollars every year to avoid being called that one single word. We give the word “fat” so much power over us, but why? Today I want to talk about how to appropriately handle the word “fat” being thrown around and how to be prepared to have those conversations.
When A Fat Person Describes Themselves As “Fat”:
I have heard the following phrase so much over the course of my life that if I had a nickel for every time I could retire: You’re not fat, you’re beautiful. I know! I never said I was “ugly”, I said I was “fat”. The F word makes people so uncomfortable that a fat person describing themselves makes thin people need to erase our fat experience (because how could anyone ever be cool with being fat right?!). Sometimes it’s because the thin person thinks being fat would be a fate worse than death, sometimes it’s because in the past the thin person feels like they made a fat person feel better with that statement, sometimes the thin person genuinely thinks they are helping. No matter the reason for it though, the thin person is showing that they have bias against that word and against fat itself.
If the fat person drops the f word casually and is not visibly upset while talking, leave it alone! Pretend like the fat person called themselves a brunette or something instead. They said a fact about their body, let them! If the fat person is upset about being fat ask, “why is being fat bad?”. That’s an ally right there, baby! Getting to the core of the issue will help you and the other person figure out the root of that bias and how to tell that root it’s time to get removed from dat heart and brain soil (humor me w this weak metaphor pls)!
When A Thin Person Describes Themselves As “Fat”:
“I feel so fat right now”. “I just ate so much pizza, I’m so fat and disgusting”. “I need to start my diet, I’m getting fat”. “I have this little belly pouch I’m such a fattie”. Unless someone is truly dealing with body dysmorphia, I’m over it. I say “I’m not comfortable talking about this right now, can we talk about something else"?” or I leave. But if you want to engage in a discussion on this topic, I would again ask my thin friend why. Why do they think being fat is bad? Why would being fat be such a horrible death sentence? Why when they feel full, or insecure, or greasy, or bad do they think those feelings are synonymous with “fat”?
Asking why and getting to the root of things is the only way to go in my opinion. It’ll help you get into the psyche of the person and we can always have more generous hearts when we understand why someone is doing what they’re doing. It’s also good for people to get to the root of their own behavior and it’s always good to evaluate ourselves and figure out why we say or do or believe the things we do!
We all get to define ourselves for ourselves and no one gets to take that truth away from us, but the outside world looks at us and defines us too. If the world looks at a person and would not characterize them as “fat”, that person carries inherent privileges with them and examining our privilege is necessary for all of us to do. If you are benefiting from thin privilege in the outside world, and still using your friends inside to reassure you that you are not a “fat, disgusting, pig” then that’s harmful. If a person that anyone in the outside world would call “fat” wants to calmly and objectively define themselves in that way, let them!
My goal is always to help people feel good about themselves. If a fat person claiming their identity and proudly define themselves as fat makes them feel good, we should let them! If a thin person is using words in a harmful way against themselves, let’s ask why and get to the root of the issue so that they can define themselves in more positive terms! Let’s learn to love ourselves and unlearn that “fat” = ”bad”. It does not.
Tell me on Instagram or Facebook where you think I’ve gone right and wrong in this post! I always love hearing your thoughts.
